I tried not to gripe about how much financial stress I felt during our complicated pregnancies and difficult deliveries of both of our sons. I thought it was worth any amount, even an appalling six figure medical bill, to bring home healthy babies. And those babies sure are cute!

I tried to embrace the positives, like the fact that we even had insurance, especially when the job market was so tough. When my husband was suddenly laid off and I was unable to work due to pregnancy complications, we were able to maintain continuous coverage thanks to the fact that my husband's employer helped us keep our health insurance at a reasonable cost. I'm not sure if our sob story about trying desperately to hold onto to a threatened pregnancy helped or if they would have done the same for any other of their thousands of employees, but I appreciated the assistance and concern. There ARE compassionate people out there who want to see a happy ending to every sob story.

I was on a first name basis with staff in the HR office when I called them every month to have them re-send forms to the insurance carrier who inevitably canceled our coverage due to misunderstanding my husband's employment status. This mistake happened EVERY MONTH for nearly the entire pregnancy. I'm still drowning in bills and rejected claims thanks to that paperwork fiasco. It takes a lot of time and patience to repeatedly face these challenges, and I'm not known for having much of either.

When the recovery from my last C-section got complicated, we just rolled with the punches. Bill had a new employer, we switched to a new health insurance and either everything was fine and dandy or I was too distracted with two kids under two years old to care. We still get occasional medical bills that are confusing and need straightening out but it’s not too scary, just one of those things that makes me hyperventilate a little and want to cry on the phone as I freak out to billing reps. Hey, that’s pretty normal, right?

Then I noticed that the copays were going up. I was able to see lots of specialists and got referrals for everything I needed but the out of pocket cost was getting pretty high- high enough to make me want to cut back on seeing anyone in the medical profession. (Well, I still had dinner with my sister the MD but she doesn't charge. Much.) And after months of recovery I just didn't feel any better. My acute problems from falling down stairs while hugely pregnant and having surgical complications after the second C-section became chronic issues and the treatments were less and less effective. This is the thing that frightens me: having a chronic, difficult to treat, pre-existing condition. Health insurance companies don't like that. It’s expensive even with good insurance and I worried about having to pay for my own treatments or losing our group coverage. Luckily my husband got us covered through his huge employer and I think we're safe, hiding among the thousands of other employees with complex medical needs. Nothing to see here, just a little family with cute kids, move along. "These are not the drain on the healthcare system you are looking for. Move along."

In case my Jedi mind tricks didn't work, I continued to be paranoid about losing our insurance coverage. I just checked the status of the hospital bills for my recent surgery. I had a short stay after pre-approved surgery with a specialist and my regular doctor in attendance and I chose the least invasive, most highly recommended surgical option. I got adequate care but still had a post-operative infection that landed me in the ER, then I had to be transferred by ambulance from my nearby ER to be readmitted to the more distant hospital where I had the surgery, which was medically justified and terribly inconvenient. So far the bills from one month of my most recent treatments are totalling up to about $77,000.

Let that sink in for a minute.

$77,000

I feel sick.

I know that the insurance is taking care of most of that bill, it’s still sickening to see the charges rack up so quickly. $48,213 is the charge for just the surgery. My bill says that the insurance paid the hospital $17,814 and I paid $100. How does the hospital bill get so inflated that $30,299 of that bill just disappears?? Does my insurance company have a coupon for 60% off? Where can I find one of those coupons?

I tried to follow the best guidelines. In my quest to heal over the past year I saw my primary providers and followed their recommendations. I used Urgent Care instead of the ER, in-network providers instead of randomly advertised practitioners and I got pre-approved for all my procedures and specialists consultations but I still ended up in an ER. I needed STAT radiology and labwork to determine how sick I was after a post-op infection caused fever, severe pain and a racing heartbeat and weakened me to the point where I thought I would pass out. And despite carefully following the rules, I've accumulated hundreds of thousands of dollars of healthcare costs in less than 3 years just by having babies. We wanted our two little babies and no more- I promise! This last surgery made sure of that.

Battling the paperwork and stressful bill collectors has become a part time job. I get off the phone with one of these billing companies, let out a heavy sigh and my 2 year old pipes up with "Good job, Mommy!" At least I'm getting high marks on my performance from the people who matter most. And I'm experienced in how the healthcare system works! What would someone else do in my situation?

I don't agree with the slipshod job my politicians did in forming a healthcare bill. They should have started simple, set forth several reforms in stages to accomplish a thoughtful and successful repair of the problems throughout the system. How did costs get so inflated? What is the real value of the care we seek? How do we promote responsible utilization so that we can stay healthy? I have so many questions and so few answers.

Slow and steady repair of the problems that got me into this situation would make me happy. I want protection so that I can continue to have coverage and not be dropped by my insurer at a whim. I want to pay reasonable rates for that protection. I want a minimal safety net to catch me if disaster strikes. I want ER usage to be reduced so those facilities can serve as lifesaving critical care, not primary clinics. I want my family to be safe. I want to know that I can find medical help if they are hurting or ill.

Guess I have to start reading the 2,000+ pages of the bill that passed to find out what happens next. I have faith that things will work out in time, in lots of time. Aside from the sticker shock of those monstrous medical bills, we've been well cared for throughout the past 3 years and our little family is thriving. "Greed and fear of loss are the roots that lead to the tree of evil." Well, that's what the Clone Wars episode called Jedi Crash says on my TV right now! Sometimes you need to take a break and enjoy some escapism. A sci-fi fantasy a day keeps the doctor away. At least that's what works for my husband.